we need surrender. it is the only way through. it is the only way home.
it is the only way that I have come to understand — it is, truly, the only “healing” experience I’ve ever had. time and time again, my “healing” of something or another only happens when I surrender to the experience, and am able to see, veils lifted, what is actually going on and where it’s coming from. nine times out of then, I realize that it’s illusory stress. meaning, false stress that I cause myself for absolutely no purpose other than to remember true peace. it’s the yin and the yang, needing the darkness to know the light. and to be honest, this is a lesson I’m still learning over and over and over again. hence why I am writing about it — I feel quite a few of you will understand where I’m coming from, as well.
I am still learning surrender's powerful presence, as I went a long, long time defaulting to “seeking”.
there is this difference between seeking and surrender, and I’d gander that the majority of us weren’t conditioned for the latter, because surrender cannot be conditioned, it is only remembered. surrender isn’t necessarily something you can teach, but rather something that is embodied. surrender is hard to put into words, because words are what must be annihilated in order to enter it. surrender is pure, loving energy, and it is something that if we didn’t grow up getting many reflections (or examples) of, then we seek and seek and seek, until we remember again.
we remember to let go.
the process of seeking is that of “believing” — believing is something that we grasp, or hold onto (which is ultimately, the root of all stress). believing is quite mental, as it’s the ego’s vocabulary for making sense of what cannot be made sense of. Truth doesn’t make much mental sense, as it often goes against what the “me me me” nature the ego desires. believing keeps us in this vicious loop of thinking that we need the acceptance, approval, and forgiveness of something or someone outside of ourselves in order to “heal”.
<< there is of course inner-seeking, but that’s not what I’m referring to here — inner-seeking is a path to surrender, with energy turned inwards. but then again, all paths lead to surrender — it is simply the nature of things to return to center. to live and thrive and die and merge back again. >>
the seeking I’m referring to is external — the kind that I’d, again, gander the majority of us grew up most familiar with. we are (at least, I was) taught from day one that we need this approval of some powerful figure outside of ourselves, of which we are separate from. but therein, we find the trouble — in “thinking” that we are separate from the whole. I can only speak from my own experience, and this has so powerfully been it. my troubles, stress, anxiety, the works … all manifest as a result of my ego’s illusory ideas of separation (that I am “better or worse” than anything else), and these ideas set me on a (thankfully, temporary) path of seeking something “better or worse” outside of myself in order to “heal” myself or in order to “get somewhere” other than where I am. external seeking makes me forget perfection. external seeking makes me forget the Now.
whoa. exhausting. and when I feel this exhaustion (or rather, when it begins to force itself upon me as stress, anxiety, ill health) I am again reminded that there is only one way through — surrender, Meagan. please surrender again.
I realize that this can all sound quite complicated, or conceptual. conceptual it may be, but complicated it is not. trust me! once you grasp your fundamental nature for surrender, it also will become your only way home. it will become you. and this experience will become so delicious, so nutritious for you, that you will find yourself flooding back into it much quicker, and far more often than you use to.
I was conditioned to seek, not to surrender. I was conditioned to reach out, rather than dive in. I was conditioned to compete, rather than collaborate. I was conditioned to be fueled by stress and anxiety, rather than love and a sense of flow. I was conditioned to ask for the forgiveness and approval from everyone else other than myself. I was conditioned for separation. I am not a victim, as I chose it all. I chose the conditioning, in order to remember. I take complete responsibility, so that I may again let go and feel myself as all.
I was never taught that the entire universe is, literally, within me! that I am made of stardust. that I am the moon. that the laws of energy and nature are my body and my being’s laws, too! I was never taught that these laws are the same within us all, and that we can therefore work together to alchemize reality — to dissolve collective experiences that we no longer like (anxiety), or birth more that do like (peace).
I was conditioned for separation, but that is all over now.
I remember connection. I remember collaboration. I remember surrender. I remember love. I remember that I can spread this light so wide, and allow intuition to guide the way.
if you’re curious as to my process of surrender into intuition, or just generally more on the concept, I’ll be diving far deeper into it in coming months ~
p.s. ~ after I wrote this, I pulled a card from my moon deck … the one I got read “with a steady mind, I am connected to our collective experience” :-)
* cover image art by Dr. Dain L. Tasker Lily, an X-Ray